How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You

How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You Book PDF/Epub Download

The Oatmeal 2013 Wall Calendar • The Oatmeal is one of the most popular Web comics online, getting an average of 4.6 million unique visitorsand more than 20 million page views a month. • Time magazine named TheOatmeal.com one of the best blogs of 2010. Based on Matthew Inman's hugely popular Web site and hisNew York Timesbest-selling book5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth,How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You 2013 Wall Calendarfeatures a quirky and humorous full-color comic each month along with a user-friendly grid. As a bonus, the calendar also includes a free, pull-out poster.

How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You Book PDF/Epub Download

Jesus Rollerblading Christ--another helping of TheOatmeal! Mrow, MOAR kitty comics. Mr. Oats delivers a sidesplitting serving of cat humor in his new book, How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You. If your cat is kneading you, that's not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness. If your cat brings you a dead animal, this isn't a gift. It's a warning. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a hilarious, brilliant offering of comics, facts, and instructional guides about crazy cat behaviors from the creative wonderland at TheOatmeal.com. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You presents fan favorites, such as "Cat vs. Internet," "How to Pet a Kitty," and "The Bobcats," plus 17 brand-new, never-before-seen cat-themed comic strips. This Oatmeal collection is a must-have for cat-lovers from Mr. Oats!

5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth And Other Useful Guides Book PDF/Epub Download

In Matthew Inman's New York Times best selling 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find your nephew nibbling on your toes. Inman creates these quirky scenes for theoatmeal.com, which launched in July 2009 and already has more than 82 million page views. In fact, every 15 to 30 seconds, someone Googles one of theoatmeal.com's creations. Now, 60 of Inman's comic illustrations and life-bending guides are presented in full-color inside 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides). Consider such handy advice as: 4 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at All Times, 6 Types of Crappy Hugs, 8 Ways to Tell if Your Loved One Plans to Eat You, 17 Things Worth Knowing About Your Cat, and 20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer.

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety Book PDF/Epub Download

The cats of America are under siege! Long gone are the good old days when a cat’s biggest worries were mean dogs or a bath. Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives. For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as, “What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?” and “What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?” and especially “Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can’t he just play with yarn like cats used to do?” Our country—and our cats—stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within these pages, we can make our cats—and America—great again!

My Dog The Paradox Book PDF/Epub Download

This eponymous comic became an instant hit when it went live on The Oatmeal.com and was liked on Facebook by 700,000 fans. Now fans will have a keepsake book of this comic to give and to keep. In My Dog: The Paradox, Inman discusses the canine penchant for rolling in horse droppings, chasing large animals four times their size, and acting recklessly enthusiastic through the entirety of their impulsive, lovable lives. Hilarious and heartfelt, My Dog: The Paradox eloquently illustrates the complicated relationship between man and dog. We will never know why dogs fear hair dryers, or being baited into staring contests with cats, but as Inman explains, perhaps we love dogs so much “because their lives aren’t lengthy, logical, or deliberate, but an explosive paradox composed of fur, teeth, and enthusiasm.”

How to Be Perfectly Unhappy Book PDF/Epub Download

In How To Be Perfectly Unhappy, Inman explores the surprising benefits of forgetting about “happiness,” and embracing instead the meaningful activities that keep us busy and interested and fascinated.

How to Pet a Cat Book PDF/Epub Download

Keep your cat happy and pet them right with this cute and handy illustrated guide! Cats have quite a few opinions, but with easy-to-follow instructions and helpful diagrams, this book will teach you how—and how not—to illicit approving purrs, mews, and chirps. From "The Booty Lift Pet" to the "I Need That Catnip on My Desk Yesterday Pet," learn over 20 tips and tricks to be the person your cat wants you to be. With bonus insights into cat sounds, body language, and more—as well as charming, full-color illustrations—this fun, lighthearted book will delight cat lovers of all kinds! FUNNY AND RELATABLE: Everyone who has tried to pet a cat has experienced most if not all of these silly and sweet scenarios. SWEET AND EDUCATIONAL: While quirky, this book is still informative and educational. You may learn a thing or two, like why your cat loves having their face pet but will leave the room if you try to give their belly a rub. CUTE GIFT: With endearing illustrations and tongue-in-cheek advice, this is a wonderful gift for any cat owner or cat lover! Perfect for: • Cat lovers • Holiday and birthday gift shoppers • Those looking for a silly pick-me-up and something cute • For fans of How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You, I Could Pee on This, and Herding Cats

How to Be a Cat Book PDF/Epub Download

“Hilarious . . . If you’ve ever woken up with a cat staring right at you, or been joined on bathroom breaks by your feline friend, then you’ll understand.” —Awesome Inventions From the creative duo behind the bestselling Me Without You and Happiness Is . . . comes How to Be a Cat, a lighthearted illustrated guide to living life as a feline. Distinctive artwork and quirky captions confirm what we already know: cats actually rule the household. Ranging from simple truisms (“Look cute enough to attract cuddles”) to perceptive observations (“Consider life a never-ending belly rub”), this charming book is a must-have gift for anyone who shares their life with a feline friend (or vice versa). “It lists many of the intricate behaviors that distinguish a real cat from what I assume are cheap cat knock-offs (like ‘kat’ or ‘cot’). Do you lick your humans at 3am? Do you ask for attention, then wriggle away once they pick you up? Then you’re well on the way of being a real, certified cat.” —deMilked “An easy to follow ‘how to guide’ available for anyone dreaming of being a kitty cat instead of a real-world adult, or kid.” —Earth Porm

I Could Pee on This Book PDF/Epub Download

Animal lovers will laugh out loud at the quirkiness of their feline friends with these insightful and curious poems from the singular minds of funny cats. In this hilarious, bestselling book of tongue-in-cheek poetry. The author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth helps cats unlock their creative potential and explain their odd behavior to ignorant humans. With titles like "Who Is That on Your Lap?," "This Is My Chair," "Kneel Before Me," "Nudge," and "Some of My Best Friends Are Dogs," the poems collected in I Could Pee on This perfectly capture the inner workings of the cat psyche. With photos of the cat "authors" throughout, this whimsical animal book reveals kitties at their wackiest, and most exasperating (but always lovable). Ideal for that "crazy cat lady" or "cat mom/dad" in your life this collection of poems makes for the perfect cat-themed gift for anyone who's obsessed with our feline friends.

Pussweek Book PDF/Epub Download

Pussweek is a magazine-style book written by cats, for cats. This means STRICTLY NO HUMANS ALLOWED, so if you have opposable thumbs just get out of here right meow! Pussweek Issue One covers important issues such as catnip addiction, litter, sleep, scratching post selection, plus competitions, advice, quizzes and much more.

Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants Book PDF/Epub Download

Matthew Inman’s first collection of The Oatmeal.com spent six weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and sold 200,000 copies. This pivotal and influential comic collection titled 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth introduced Samurai sword-wielding kittens and informed us on how to tell if a velociraptor is having pre-marital sex. Matthew's cat-themed collection How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a #1 New York Times bestseller with more than half a million copies in print. Now with Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants, Inman offers a delicious, tantalizing follow-up featuring all new material that has been posted on the site since the publication of the first book plus never-before-seen comics that have not appeared anywhere. As with every Oatmeal collection, there is a pull-out poster at the back of the book. In this second collection of over 50 comics, you'll be treated to the hilarity of "The Crap We Put Up with Getting On and Off an Airplane," "Why Captain Higgins Is My Favorite Parasitic Flatworm," "This Is How I Feel about Buying Apps," "6 Things You Really Don't Need to Take a Photo of," and much more. Along with lambasting the latest culture crazes, Inman serves up recurrent themes such as foodstuffs, holidays, e-mail, as well as technological, news-of-the-day, and his snarky yet informative comics on grammar and usage. Online and in print, The Oatmeal delivers brilliant, irreverent comic hilarity.

The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances Book PDF/Epub Download

This is not just a book about running. It's a book about cupcakes. It's a book about suffering. It's a book about gluttony, vanity, bliss, electrical storms, ranch dressing, and Godzilla. It's a book about all the terrible and wonderful reasons we wake up each day and propel our bodies through rain, shine, heaven, and hell. From #1 New York Times best-selling author, Matthew Inman, AKA The Oatmeal, comes this hilarious, beautiful, poignant collection of comics and stories about running, eating, and one cartoonist's reasons for jogging across mountains until his toenails fall off. Containing over 70 pages of never-before-seen material, including "A Lazy Cartoonist's Guide to Becoming a Runner" and "The Blerch's Guide to Dieting," this book also comes with Blerch race stickers.

404 Not Found Book PDF/Epub Download

[This is] an adult coloring adventure book filled with mantis shrimp, angler fish, bear-o-dactyls, space cats, and other fantastical creatures from the wonderland of The Oatmeal.

Cats Are Weird Book PDF/Epub Download

Cartoonist Jeffrey Brown's drawings perfectly capture the humor and quirkiness of cats in all their strange and charming glory. Following the success of Cat Getting Out of a Bag, this collection of color and black-and-white comic strips loosely follows the adventures of a pair of cats as they explore the world around them, indoors and out. Adventures include taking a nap, licking a shoe, attacking dust particles, hiding in cabinets, pouncing on fallen leaves, confronting the vacuum cleaner, patrolling the yard, and purring up a stormall adorably rendered in Brown's immediate and irresistible style. Sure to delight anyone who lives with cats and appreciates their sweet and batty behavior, this beautifully packaged gift book is the cat's meow.

101 Uses for a Dead Cat Book PDF/Epub Download

Since time immemorial mankind has been plagued by the question "What do you do with a dead cat?" Here, at last, in 101 hilarious, outrageous, and (sometimes) downright sick cartoons, are some answers. 101 black-and-white illustrations.

Is Your Cat Crazy Book PDF/Epub Download

Winner 1995 Best Instructional Nonfiction Book --Cat Writers' Association ""This is a delightful, practical, well-written, sensible, and easy-to-follow book.about living with cats and enjoying them."" -- John E. Saidla, DVM, Director of Continuing Education, College of Veterinary Medicine, Cornell University Is Your Cat Crazy? provides feline fans with a wealth of practical information and entertaining stories drawn from Dr. Wright's long practice making housecalls on dysfunctional cats. Along with helpful suggestions on how to cope with the most common behavior problems, he shows cat owners how and when to pick out a new kitten, what determines a cat's personality, how to deal with multiple cats, and what works and doesn't work when it comes to kitty ""discipline."" Whether the problem is strange eating habits or disdain for the litter box, aggression or post-traumatic stress, Is Your Cat Crazy? will help restore order to a cat-crazy home.

Grumpy Cat Book PDF/Epub Download

Internet sensation Grumpy Cat's epic feline frown has inspired legions of devoted fans. Celebrating the grouch in everyone, the Grumpy Cat book teaches the fine art of grumpiness and includes enough bad attitude to cast a dark cloud over the whole world. Featuring brand new as well as classic photos, and including grump-inspiring activities and games, Grumpy Cat delivers unmatched, hilarious grumpiness that puts any bad mood in perspective.

Working from Home with a Cat Book PDF/Epub Download

This cute illustrated book shows what it's like to live and work from home with a cat, a situation over one third of us are familiar with. Stepping on computer keyboards, knocking things off the table, interrupting video calls—cats can be distracting coworkers. With colorful art and oh-so-relatable scenarios, Working from Home with a Cat takes readers through a day in the life of artist Heidi Moreno and her pet cat Peanut. From the time she wakes up until the time she goes to bed, she navigates working with her needy yet loveable feline companion, as Peanut walks over her paintings, hogs her chair, disrupts her yoga routine, and more. Despite all the struggles, cats like Peanut are always by our side when we need them, even on the hardest, loneliest workdays. Working from Home with a Cat reminds us why cats are the cutest colleagues and a source of comfort and calm in this chaotic world. • Features funny and heartwarming scenarios anyone who has tried to concentrate at home with a cat has experienced • For readers who like How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You, Herding Cats by Sarah Scribbles, and You Need More Sleep: Advice from Cats by Francesco Marciuliano

97 Ways to Make a Cat Like You Book PDF/Epub Download

From the publisher of B. Kliban’s Cat, All I Need to Know I Learned from My Cat, and Bad Cat, comes a new book that answers the question all cat lovers ask: How do I make my cat like me? 97 Ways to Make a Cat Like You is the perfect interactive guide to these mysterious, fickle, seemingly aloof—yet really, just particular—pets. Paired with a full-color photograph of friendly, extroverted, happy cats (in case you’ve forgotten what a cat looks like when he “likes” you), the 97 inspired, occasionally silly but always behaviorally-based tips and tricks prove that when a cat is treated right, he or she will respond in kind. Within reason. There’s the “Eye on the Ball”—record a tennis match or a Ping-Pong game on TV to play back for your cat when he needs a bit of exercise. “Cat Burrito”—wrap your cat in a towel, burrito-style, which is particularly good for anxious pets or trips to the vet. The “Boing, Boing!”—wind pipe cleaners around a pencil in a spiral shape to create springs. Carefully slide off the pencil so the spirals go “boing” when pressed. The classic “Tickle, Tickle”—tickle Kitty under her chin and softly say “gitchy, gitchy, gitchy” in your highest-pitched voice. And for the cat owner willing to go the distance, the “There’s No Business Like Show Business”—practice your best Ethel Merman by belting out favorite show tunes for your cat. Kitty won’t care if you’re off-key and she’ll enjoy the stimulation.

The Secret Language of Cats Book PDF/Epub Download

Have you ever wondered what your cat is saying? Cats do not meow randomly, nor do they growl or hiss because they have nothing better to do. Cat sounds have a purpose, and they can carry important messages, whether for us or other cats. Susanne Schötz is hard at work on breaking the cat code. She is a professor at Lund University in Sweden, where a long-standing research program is proving that cats do actually use vocal communication—with each other and with their human caretakers. Understanding the vocal strategies used in human-cat communication will have profound implications for how we communicate with our pets, and has the potential to improve the relationship between animals and humans within several fields, including animal therapy, veterinary medicine and animal sheltering. In The Secret Language of Cats, Schötz offers a crash course in the phonetic study of cat sounds. She introduces us to the full range of feline vocalizations and explains what they can mean in different situations, and she gives practical tips to help us understand our cats better.

Tiny Hats on Cats Book PDF/Epub Download

A fun and creative book for cat lovers, crafters, and pop-culture devotees alike. Following the success of recent bestsellers like Grumpy Cat and How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You, TINY HATS ON CATS combines adorable photos of cats with author Adam Ellis's hilarious anecdotes, but also has a fun DIY element: Readers will learn how to craft colorful and creative feline headgear from the book's step-by-step instructions. With a portable trim size and a beautifully designed interior, TINY HATS ON CATS is the perfect gift for every animal lover or for any reader who wants their cat to feel just a little more fancy.