How Not To Become A Crotchety Old Man

How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man Book PDF/Epub Download

Good things come in small sizes. That is so true, especially for How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man. Big on fun and filled with hilarious insights about how not to let our inner crotchety old man out, this one makes the perfect Father's Day gift. Men will learn how to age gracefully so they never rattle off an inappropriate "dirty old man" joke. They'll learn that reading the obits first is a cardinal sin and that never reading the instructions is a close second.

How Not to Become a Little Old Lady Book PDF/Epub Download

You can be little. You can be old. You can be a lady. But you don’t have to be a little old lady! We’ve all seen her, hunched forward, her hair tucked neatly under a plastic rain bonnet. She’s clutching expired coupons, or discussing her latest health problems over lunch. She’s a little old lady . . . and she's coming your way at 2 mph. Little old ladies have elastic waistbands on all their slacks. They save rubber bands, remember fifteen-cent McDonald’s hamburgers, and have never seen a public rest room that was clean enough. How Not to Become a Little Old Lady is for any woman who is proud to have escaped little old ladyhood—or those in danger of slipping into it. Lighthearted and affectionately funny, it also includes charming illustrations from Adrienne Hartman.

If I Get Hit By a Bus Tomorrow Here s How to Replace the Toilet Paper Roll Book PDF/Epub Download

With this delightful, tongue-in-cheek guide for men who can win a case before the Supreme Court or run a conglomerate but can’t find the butter, Ms. McHugh provides a step-by-step guide for making breakfast, emptying the dishwasher, finding the clothes hamper and doing the laundry, along with an assortment of other domestic necessities. She continues with wise advice for men whose wives are pregnant—“How to Live with a Pregnant Wife Without Complaining about Anything While Making Her Feel Sexy and Desirable At All Times”, tells them how to go without sleep for three months after the baby is born, and finishes up with “How to Watch Football and the Baby at the Same Time.” A chapter on taking care of three small boys while staying sane should be on every young father’s emergency list for times when his wife is out of town on business or visiting her mother in Iowa. And finally, instructions on answering a ringing telephone, folding shirts for a business trip and finding his wallet, keys, glasses, socks and underwear are absolute must-reads for every man who thinks some invisible being does all those things. Aimed at busy women of all ages, this book will also make grown men laugh and might even be useful when they run out of underwear.

Dogs with Old Man Faces Book PDF/Epub Download

There's just something easy to love about those dogs with old man faces, with mugs weathered by experience and wisdom.

What s So Funny About Getting Old Book PDF/Epub Download

One bonus of getting older is that it gives us a great perspective on life ...and that includes plenty of humor! This collection of cartoons, quips, quotes, and insights introduces a new comedy genre: elderhumor. It captures the wry hilarity of our real-life sitcoms. Generational vocabulary gaps, miscommunications, preoccupation with health and comforts, foibles, disguises (for aging), even physical limitations -- all can have their funny sides when we're laughing at ourselves. One bonus of getting older is that it gives us a great perspective on life ...and that includes plenty of humor! This collection of cartoons, quips, quotes, and insights introduces a new comedy genre: elderhumor. It captures the wry hilarity of our real-life sitcoms. Generational vocabulary gaps, miscommunications, preoccupation with health and comforts, foibles, disguises (for aging), even physical limitations -- all can have their funny sides when we're laughing at ourselves. This book, a light-hearted gift for anyone who's 50-plus, is a memoryjogger too. Remember the Katzenjammer Kids? Jack Armstrong? Apple Mary? Check out your friends' ages by their responses to a "Vanishing Words" test (examples: "spider," "broomstick skirt," "running board," "the shag"). If you're still calling the refrigerator an "icebox," it's a giveaway -- you're probably over 60. What's So Funny about Getting Old? is brought to you by a comedy team of two. Ed Fischer is an award-winning cartoonist. Jane Thomas Noland, author of Laugh It Off (what's so funny about trying to lose weight?) is a books editor and a former Minneapolis Star Tribune feature writer. Both have delicious ways of looking at life. Both, like all the rest of us, are getting older. Laughter heals. Laughter helps. Laughter keeps us in shape emotionally and physically. Read this book and try it. You'll be convinced, as these authors are, that there's only one way to grow older -- with a healthy sense of humor!

Old Heart Book PDF/Epub Download

Tom Johnson has turned 85 and has suffered a few “events,” though he knows his mind is sharp. His oldest son, who had Down Syndrome has died, and his remaining two children want to move him out of the homestead lake house and into a retirement home in town. What Tom wants to do is to find the only woman he ever loved, a woman he met in the Netherlands where he was stationed during World War II. And so he slips away, deftly covers his tracks, and begins his search for her in Eindhoven. While his children try to track him down and then have him extradited back home, Tom delves into love and loss and the value of memory. Soon he catches sight of a woman he believes to be Sarah, the love he lost almost a lifetime ago. He will have to fight for her affections and forgiveness, even as he fights for the legal right to stay in the Netherlands in the name of love and family and all the remaining rights of an old man.

Good Granny Bad Granny Book PDF/Epub Download

This mischievously funny and charmingly illustrated volume celebrates grandmothers who love to spoil their grandchildren rotten! Every grandmother knows that having grandchildren is one of the greatest pleasures in life. When your children finally get around to having their own children, you get a beautiful new baby in your life—and best of all, you’re not responsible for how this one turns out! Now comes the dilemma. Should you be a Good Granny who gives the little cherub healthy food and educational toys? Or should you be a Bad Granny, indulging your grandkid in Kentucky Fried Chicken, video game marathons and trips to the racetrack? In Good Granny/Bad Granny, Mqry McHugh explores both sides in a hilarious series of examples, all delightfully illustrated by Patricia Storms.

Suddenly Senior Book PDF/Epub Download

‘You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.’ John Mendoza You might be getting a bit thin on top, plump at the middle and creaky around the knees, but that doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten how to enjoy yourself! This collection of witty quotations, light-hearted yarns and cheerful jokes will help you chalk that last ‘senior moment’ down to experience, forget the grey hairs and the twinges, and celebrate getting older with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your wrinkle.

Refire Don t Retire Book PDF/Epub Download

Bring a renewed sense of purpose to the next chapter of your life with the New York Times bestselling author’s guide to thriving in retirement. Many people see their later years as a time to endure rather than as an exciting opportunity. Yet research and common sense confirm that people who embrace these years with energy and gusto consistently find them to be rich and rewarding. In Refire! Don't Retire, Ken Blanchard and Morton Shaevitz offer inspiring insight and thought-provoking questions to help people make the rest of their lives the best of their lives. In the trademark Ken Blanchard style, the authors tell the compelling story of Larry and Janice Sparks, who discover how to see each day as an opportunity to enhance their relationships, stimulate their minds, revitalize their bodies, and grow spiritually. As they learn to be open to new experiences, Larry and Janice rekindle passion in every area of their lives. Readers will find humor, practical information, and profound wisdom in Refire! Don't Retire. Best of all, they will be inspired to make all the years ahead truly worth living.

This Chair Rocks Book PDF/Epub Download

Author, activist, and TED speaker Ashton Applewhite has written a rousing manifesto calling for an end to discrimination and prejudice on the basis of age. In our youth obsessed culture, we’re bombarded by media images and messages about the despairs and declines of our later years. Beauty and pharmaceutical companies work overtime to convince people to purchase products that will retain their youthful appearance and vitality. Wrinkles are embarrassing. Gray hair should be colored and bald heads covered with implants. Older minds and bodies are too frail to keep up with the pace of the modern working world and olders should just step aside for the new generation. Ashton Applewhite once held these beliefs too until she realized where this prejudice comes from and the damage it does. Lively, funny, and deeply researched, This Chair Rocks traces her journey from apprehensive boomer to pro-aging radical, and in the process debunks myth after myth about late life. Explaining the roots of ageism in history and how it divides and debases, Applewhite examines how ageist stereotypes cripple the way our brains and bodies function, looks at ageism in the workplace and the bedroom, exposes the cost of the all-American myth of independence, critiques the portrayal of elders as burdens to society, describes what an all-age-friendly world would look like, and offers a rousing call to action. It’s time to create a world of age equality by making discrimination on the basis of age as unacceptable as any other kind of bias. Whether you’re older or hoping to get there, this book will shake you by the shoulders, cheer you up, make you mad, and change the way you see the rest of your life. Age pride! “Wow. This book totally rocks. It arrived on a day when I was in deep confusion and sadness about my age. Everything about it, from my invisibility to my neck. Within four or five wise, passionate pages, I had found insight, illumination, and inspiration. I never use the word empower, but this book has empowered me.” —Anne Lamott, New York Times bestselling author

Ur Special Book PDF/Epub Download

Based on the wildly popular characters from Coolman Coffeedan, a colorful and charming collection of parables reminding us to face our fears, our anxieties, and our self-consciousness head-on. What do a naked cat, a sad turtle, an armless robot, and a sentient potato have in common? Quite a lot, actually! In this vibrant and heartfelt book, self-proclaimed bad animator Danny Casale delivers a much-needed jolt of positivity and humor to ease even the sourest of spirits. Fans of his Coolman Coffeedan accounts will recognize his simple and relatable illustrations, but the material is entirely new. Each chapter introduces a new friend and a new hardship, offering the perfect pick-me-up for whatever has you down. Tackling topics from loneliness and self-confidence to the perfect (ONLY) way to construct a bowl of cereal, this book will leave you feeling just fine. So don’t forget—no matter what you may be feeling on the inside, or what people may be saying on the outside, UR SPECIAL!

The Spectator Bird Book PDF/Epub Download

Literary agent Joe Allston, the central character of Stegner's novel All the Little Live Things, is now retired and, in his own words, 'just killing time until time gets around to killing me.' His parents and his only son are long dead, leaving him with neither ancestors nor descendants, tradition nor ties. His job, trafficking the talent of others, had not been his choice. He passes through life as a spectator. A postcard from an old friend causes Allston to return to the journals of a trip he and his wife had taken years before, a journey to his mother's birthplace, where he'd sought a link with the past. The memories of that trip, both grotesque and poignant, move through layers of time and meaning, and reveal that Joe Allston isn't quite spectator enough. Wallace Stegner was the author of, among other works of fiction, Remembering Laughter (1973); The Big Rock Candy Mountain (1943); Joe Hill (1950); All the Little Live Things (1967, Commonwealth Club Gold Medal); A Shooting Star (1961); Angle of Repose (1971, Pulitzer Prize); Recapitulation (1979); Crossing to Safety (1987); and Collected Stories (1990). His nonfiction includes Beyond the Hundredth Meridian (1954); Wolf Willow (1963); The Sound of Mountain Water (essays, 1969); The Uneasy Chair: A Biography of Bernard deVoto (1964); American Places (with Page Stegner, 1981); and Where the Bluebird Sings to the Lemonade Springs: Living and Writing in the West (1992). Three short stories have won O.Henry prizes, and in 1980 he received the Robert Kirsch Award from the Los Angeles Times for his lifetime literary achievements.

The Camomile Lawn Book PDF/Epub Download

International Bestseller: A novel of youthful love and loss and “a powerful evocation of the war years” in England (The Guardian). On a hot August evening in 1939, cousins Oliver, Calypso, Polly, Walter, and Sophy spent one last night together, celebrating the end of summer, at the home of their aunt and uncle. Now, forty years later, as the motley cast of characters drive to the funeral of one of their own, they recall how important that night truly was—and all that came after. From Oliver, whose desperation to prove himself in war ended up as his downfall, to Calypso, whose flirtations landed her in an unlikely marriage with even less likely results, to Sophy, whose secrets from that night haunted her for the rest of her life, each of them recalls the twisted paths of love and betrayal they walked as the country came apart around them under the coming shadow of World War II. Mary Wesley masterfully interweaves tragedy and humor in this “extraordinarily accomplished and fast-moving” novel, presenting a tale of both the world at large and the dalliances, allegiances, and losses of her expertly crafted characters (Financial Times).

Retirement Jokes Book PDF/Epub Download

'I see you've just turned 64. When are you thinking of retiring?' 'Constantly!' Most retirement jokes are just about old age, but this little book is packed with quips and quotes about retirement itself, making it suitable for anyone planning a retirement speech or looking for a retirement gift. So put on your slippers, light your pipe and sit back for a 'lump sum' of laughter!

Skellig Book PDF/Epub Download

The beautiful and haunting novel that launched David Almond as one of the best children's writers of today When a move to a new house coincides with his baby sister's illness, Michael's world seems suddenly lonely and uncertain. Then, one Sunday afternoon, he stumbles into the old, ramshackle garage of his new home, and finds something magical. A strange creature - part owl, part angel, a being who needs Michael's help if he is to survive. With his new friend Mina, Michael nourishes Skellig back to health, while his baby sister languishes in the hospital. But Skellig is far more than he at first appears, and as he helps Michael breathe life into his tiny sister, Michael's world changes for ever . . . Skellig won the Carnegie Medal and the Whitbread Children's Book Award and is now a major Sky1 feature film, starring Tim Roth and John Simm. David Almond is also winner of the 2010 Hans Christian Andersen award. Powerful and moving - The Guardian This newly jacketed edition celebrates 15 years of this multi-award-winning novel.

Independent People Book PDF/Epub Download

From the Nobel Prize-winning Icelandic author, a magnificent, epic novel—"funny, clever, sardonic and brilliant" (Annie Proulx)—at last available to contemporary American readers. Set in the early twentieth century, Independent People recalls both Iceland's medieval epics and such classics as Sigrid Undset's Kristin Lavransdatter. If Bjartur of Summerhouses, the book's protagonist, is an ordinary sheep farmer, his flinty determination to achieve independence is genuinely heroic and, at the same time, terrifying and bleakly comic. Having spent eighteen years in humiliating servitude, Bjartur wants nothing more than to raise his flocks unbeholden to any man. But Bjartur's spirited daughter wants to live unbeholden to him. What ensues is a battle of wills that is by turns harsh and touching, elemental in its emotional intensity and intimate in its homely detail. Vast in scope and deeply rewarding, Independent People is a masterpiece.

Lit Up Book PDF/Epub Download

A bestselling author and distinguished critic goes back to high school to find out whether books can shape lives It's no secret that millions of American teenagers, caught up in social media, television, movies, and games, don't read seriously-they associate sustained reading with duty or work, not with pleasure. This indifference has become a grievous loss to our standing as a great nation--and a personal loss, too, for millions of teenagers who may turn into adults with limited understanding of themselves and the world. Can teenagers be turned on to serious reading? What kind of teachers can do it, and what books? To find out, Denby sat in on a tenth-grade English class in a demanding New York public school for an entire academic year, and made frequent visits to a troubled inner-city public school in New Haven and to a respected public school in Westchester county. He read all the stories, poems, plays, and novels that the kids were reading, and creates an impassioned portrait of charismatic teachers at work, classroom dramas large and small, and fresh and inspiring encounters with the books themselves, including The Scarlet Letter, Brave New World, 1984, Slaughterhouse-Five, Notes From Underground, Long Way Gone and many more. Lit Up is a dramatic narrative that traces awkward and baffled beginnings but also exciting breakthroughs and the emergence of pleasure in reading. In a sea of bad news about education and the fate of the book, Denby reaffirms the power of great teachers and the importance and inspiration of great books.

So Who s Counting Book PDF/Epub Download

Inspiring quotes and advice to help readers see getting older as a time for reinvention and personal growth. “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you should have been.” —David Bowie So long nostalgia, and goodbye resignation! This book of quotes reminds us that growing old isn’t about slowing down and taking it easy—it’s a chance to ask, “What’s next?” After all, sixty is the new fifty, seventy’s the new sixty, and older is getting younger every day. With fun, forward-looking, and inspiring wisdom, So Who’s Counting? is the ideal gift for baby boomers, Gen Xers or anyone reaching a major age milestone. Instead of cloying sentimentality or the standard sagging-body-part jokes, it strikes the perfect balance of humor, guidance, reflection, bon mots. Quotes are divided into nine sections, such as “As Old as You Feel,” “Laughter: The Best Prescription,” and “Aged to Perfection.” So Who’s Counting? is all about aging with gusto and celebrating what lies ahead.

How to Become a Sweet Old Lady Instead of a Grumpy Old Grouch Book PDF/Epub Download

With practicality and humor, these anecdotes show how choices we make in our 30s and 40s determine who we will become as we grow older--and how making right choices helps us develop positive traits including courage to face change, growth in grace, and contentment.

Natural Order Book PDF/Epub Download

Joyce Sparks has lived the whole of her 86 years in the small community of Balsden, Ontario. As a girl, Joyce allowed herself to imagine a future of adventure in the arms of her friend Freddy Pender, whose chin bore a Kirk Douglas cleft and who danced the cha-cha divinely. Though troubled by the whispered assertions of her sister and friends that he wasn't 'normal,' Joyce adored Freddy for all that was un-Balsden in his flamboyant ways. When Freddy led the homecoming parade down the main street, his expertly twirled baton and outrageous white suit gleaming in the sun, Joyce fell head over heels in unrequited love. Years later, Joyce married Charlie, who was nothing like Freddy, and bore a son who very much reminded her of Freddy. Tragic news of her childhood love arrived and Joyce was forced to face how far she should to go to protect the fate and life of her son and the implications her decision had. Today, as her life ebbs away in the bed at Chestnut Park Nursing Home, Joyce ponders the terrible choices she made as a mother and wife and doubts that she can be forgiven, or that she deserves to be. When a young nursing home volunteer named Timothy appears, so much like her long lost son, Joyce wonders if there be some grace in her life after all. Voiced by an unforgettable and heartbreakingly flawed narrator, Natural Order is a masterpiece of empathy, a wry and tender depiction of the end-of-life remembrances and reconciliations that one might undertake when there is nothing more to lose, and no time to waste.

Don t Ever Get Old Book PDF/Epub Download

When Buck Schatz, senior citizen and retired Memphis cop, learns that an old adversary may have escaped Germany with a fortune in stolen gold, Buck decides to hunt down the fugitive and claim the loot. But a lot of people want a piece of the stolen treasure, and Buck's investigation quickly attracts unfriendly attention from a very motley (and murderous) crew in Daniel Friedman's Don't Ever Get Old, nominated for an Edgar Award for Best First Novel.